Thursday, December 23, 2010

Wee hours rambling...

It's 4:25a.m now, and here I am wide awake - for two reasons.

Firstly - Ayah was woken up by a phonecall from Sri Ko*a Medical Centre, Klang just over an hour ago, and he had to leave immediately to attend to an emergency heart attack case. He left within 15 minutes of the call - after taking a quick shower to freshen up and gulping down a mug of Ali Ca*e coffee I made him - as an added measure to make sure he stays wide awake and alert on the road at this hour of the night/morning.

He has brought along his work attire with him, just in case his Klang patient needs an emergency angioplasty which would probably, give and take, take 2 hours to complete, after which it would already be time for Ayah to go to TMC for his ward round and later – clinic.

It has become a norm for Ayah to either come back VERY late and/or being called in the middle of the night to attend to his patients for the past 6 months or so. The reason being - he is now covering four hospitals. On top of TMC where he is a Resident Physician and Cardiologist, he's also a Visiting Consultant at 3 other hospitals - Col*mbi* As*a (Puchong), Ass*nta Hospital (PJ) AND Sri Ko*a MC (Klang). He has also been accredited to practise at Su*way MC, but, as it is, he has his hands full with the said four hospitals and has yet to start his sessions at Su*way.

So, you can just imagine the amount of to-ing and fro-ing he has to do on some days if he has patients to see at ALL four hospitals! It's just like you doing your current job, but, four times more at four different offices spread out at four different locations. Almost everyday.

Attending to his scheduled clinics and ward rounds at these hospitals is not much of a problem, as Zaidy, can drive him around. It's answering to emergency cases like this morning that is making his life topsy turvy now (and my life, too, for that matter!) The calls could lead to him going to Kota Damansara (which is not too bad), or Puchong, or PJ, or even Klang at godforsaken hours, like this morning.

But, Ayah did warn me early last year when he was leaving PP*M to go private that the first couple of years would be hell as he would have to establish himself in the private practice first and get his patients base in a few hospitals as he would not be able to survive just on income coming from one source. And true enough, he has to do just that now.

Syukur alhamdulillah, his earnings since leaving the government hospital has been pretty steady without too much fluctuations between the months, but to guarantee that, he has to work twice as hard as when he was in PP*M. (and as it was, he was already working like 14-18 hours a day then! But, it wasn't too bad then as he was only covering PP*M, and was not running here and there between four hospitals like now!)

The kids and I have gotten so used to Ayah's crazy schedule now, and what little time we have with him would be maximized with whatever family outings we could go on.

It has not been easy for both parties – Ayah, and me and the kids. But, over the years, things have become relatively easi-ER.

I know a lot of people out there are thinking just how on earth does he do that? And, maybe a LOT MORE are probably thinking – “How on earth does she know that his coming home late everyday IS because he’s attending to his patients? How on earth will she know if he is in fact up to no good with some other woman?!”

Well, I don't, and I probably won't know.

I’d be lying if I were to say that these thoughts had never crossed my mind – especially in the early years of being married. Hell, I have to admit that as recent as maybe 5-6 years ago I still had doubts about that!

But, like all couples, we would have our arguments, and more often that not, they were always because of him not spending as much time as I wanted him to with the kids, and me doubting if he was really at work during all those long hours he was not home. Hati perempuan, kan…?

But, Syukur Alhamdulillah… things are so much better in that department now. I guess we grew up… Or rather, I grew up.

I guess, as long as I focus on fulfilling my duties as his wife well, and as long as I bersangka baik with him, and trust him with all my heart, and as long as I appreciate just how hard he’s working to provide for the family, and as long as (and I make sure he does! Hehehe…) he appreciates the sarifices the kids and I also have to make over the years for him, insya Allah, we will be okay. In fact, MORE than okay :)

It is strange, but, I do find our relationship has reached another level whereby there are better understanding and tolerance between us, since Ayah went private, even though as mentioned, he is so, so much busier now.

I now see and focus on how hard he works for the family, rather than on how little time he spends with us. BIG difference there.

And apart from focusing on how hard it was for him to be where he is now, I think Ayah now also focuses on how hard it was for me and the kids to go through life with him not being around for most of the time, and I know that he appreciates that fact.

Experiencing life as a doctor, and even more so, as a cardiologist, AND seeing how it has affected us as a family, Ayah is forever trying to discourage the kids to follow his footsteps. His latest attempt at this was made last weekend when he had to give a talk to a group of students aspiring to become doctors, whereby he had dragged the whole family to listen to his talk which covered his journey to becoming a doctor and what he had to give up along the way until now.

Listening to him that day had made me realize that I should have appreciated him more as a very good and responsible husband and father all these years and should have given him 200% more support than I had given him all this while. I should have given him more credits…

Anyway, I don’t think he did a good job at discouraging the kids to do medicine – cardiology in particular, as I think Hasya is more determined to become a cardiologist now after listening to her Ayah’s talk!

In a way, I guess it is not fair for us to discourage the kids to become doctors, and even more so - cardiologists. So, we have agreed that we will not discourage them, but, at the same time, we will not ACTIVELY encourage them to follow their Ayah’s path. We have gone through the trials and tribulations as a family in medical life conundrums - and we know that not everyone will be able to go through it like we did/do.

However, if Allah SWT has determined their paths to be so, then we as parents will embrace it whole-heartedly, and will support them and their families all the way, insya Allah…

So, THAT was one of the reasons why I’m still wide awake at this hour – being woken up by the emergency call for Ayah at 3:30a.m!

A blessing in disguise, I guess, because I have somehow managed to come up with this entry :)

Now, the SECOND reason why I still can’t go back to sleep is that in less than 5 hours, Hanna will be getting her PMR result!

I’m pretty nervous even though I have every confidence in her, insya Allah…But, Moms, being Moms, we just can’t help feeling the jitters, kan?

Come what may, I know she has worked hard, and I’m very, very, very proud of her.

And as my senior at school, Along Faezah would say, “Usaha sudah, tawakal sudah. And now kita redha with anything that comes our way…”

All the best, my darling Hanna! Mommy and Ayah love you VERY, VERY MUCH! And don’t you ever forget that…

And (after all that was said! :)) even when your PMR results would mean that you probably would get good SPM results, too, insya Allah, and can probably go ahead and pursue medicine after school, do think about it twice (or maybe, three or four times, or more, okay, dear…?) ;)

* By the way, Ayah's MM article for this week can be read here :)

11 comments:

Kmar said...

Shana,

I just saw your message in FB. Baru pukul 11.30mlm... so I take the chance to read your Blog. Rasa sedih pun ada, rasa terharu pun ada ... bukannya senang nak jadi isteri kepada Tuan Doktor. Besar pengorbanannya.

You are a person with a lot of KESABARAN... and I bet your kids know it too. Make use of the quality time together.

A good wife and health are a man’s best wealth!!

Amy said...

Yeay, another blog entry heheh. I read every word ok..update us on Hanna's PMR result eh kak..mowahs.

anonymous said...

salam, behind every suami yang berjaya...is a wife who always bersangka baik, berkorban, bangga dengan kejayaan suami dan hebat dalam pengurusan rumah tangga.
in my view, you are one~!

errrr....Tuan Doktor tak terfikir nak employ driver ka? that will make his to-ing and fro-ing much easier...

Pp

Anonymous said...

Dear Kak Shana,

I understand your feeling very well.I also work closely with doctors so I understand their responsibilities too.However you are still fortunate coz he's still at home,walau pun dah lambat.
My hubby is an engineer with an oil & gas Co. & we used to be seperated because of his nature of work. Tapi as you said,hati perempuankan not easy when your hubby not by your side most of the time,but he's now looking for a new job for the benefit of everyone. It's not easy being a "single parent"...

Puteri's territory said...

Salam Kak Shana,

I've been an avid reader of your blog, my guess is Hanna may have told you that. This time I'm making a point to leave a comment because I am so proud of Hanna, you have done a tremendous job with her and I wanna congrats you too for bringing up such wonderful kid. She's a joy to teach and a pleasant girl too.

IBU said...

Hugs Shana.....

p/s Hafiz dah tukar, tak nak jadi doktor haiwan, nak jadi pet shop owner pulak dah....

Uncle Lee said...

Hi Wanshana, from Canada, wishing you and family the very best of the new year.
You stay young, stay beautiful and keep a song in your heart.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, WANSHANA.
Best regards, Lee.

Superwomanwannabe said...

thanks for reminding me that he is working hard for the family and not he is not here for us. Actually Haizal is v lucky to have you as his wife as you are v supportive and understanding. Jab only has 2 hospitals, one of which is still gomen, and I am allready not liking the weekends away! Have to learn from you lah sifu!!

wanshana said...

O.M.G! It has been exactly 2 months since I last blogged, and jenguk this site! I'm so, so, sorry, you all.

Nanti, I story mory lah apa benda yang have been keeping me so busy and occupied macam DS Rosmah Mansor. Hehehe...

Better late than never, kan? So, I'm responding to all the comments here today, okay? So sorry again, kalau macam dah lemau dah semuanya... :(

Kmar,

Yes, it's not easy, and it's not getting easier (at least for now), but, dah akad dulu to have and to hold through thick and thin, so, insya Allah we'll be there for each other come what may. Yes, through the years, I've discovered the patience I never knew I had! Sometimes I'm pretty amazed with myself! Hahaha!

---------------

Amy,

Hehehe...Ni dah jadi bahan masuk Arkib Negara dah ni - syukur alhamdulillah, Hanna got straight A's :) Mowahs to you, too! ;)

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Abg Id,

Thank you! Saya buat setakat yang termampu, insya Allah.

Yes, we do have a driver, but, of course bila kena call memalam buta macam hari tu, Doc still has to drive sendiri. But, during daytime, syukur alhamdulillah when he needs to run here and there, Zaidy is there to drive him (and that's when he normally catches up on his sleep! :)

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Dear Anonymous @5:18pm,

I respect those wives whose husbands are working overseas, and rarely get to see each other. It is much more difficult and trying than what I have to go through. Bila, tengah stressed and tension or merajuk because hubby too busy o spend time with the family, I would tell myself that things are not too bad, compared to those families whose husbands/fathers are not even in the same country! I really dont know how you all do it!

Even though the situation is different, but, I guess the principles stay the same - the trust must be there, and somehow we just HAVE to be patient.And it all boils down on how in love we are with our spouses.

Akak doakan your hubby will get the job that he dreams off, which will also enable the family to stay together and spend more time together, insya Allah.

((((HUGS)))

wanshana said...

Dear Puteri (or Puan Puteri - as Hanna would address you at school! :) Adressing you differently feels weird pulak, and as a Mom to one of your students, I feel I'm being disrespectful to you somehow!)

Thank you for your kind words, dear. But, it would not have been possible without the sheer dedication, commitment and concerted efforts of the teachers in Sri Aman. Congratulations to you and the team for such an excellent results! We parents cannot take full credit for our children's achievement as more often than not, children normally would listen more to their teachers! :)

Hanna can be pretty hyper and sanguine at times, but, I do take that as a positive thing. I dont think her Ayah or me had anything to do with that, because if that was the case, all three kids would have the same traits, kan? (which they don't!) :) Syukur alhamdulillah, she's a responsible daughter and a reliable sister to her siblings, and also to her friends :)

I really hope to have the privilege of meeting you one of these days, Puteri...Insya Allah :)

And thank you again from the bottom of my heart for being such a wonderful teacher to my daughter. Hanya Allah SWT dapat membalasnya. Amin.

wanshana said...

Ibu,

Thanks :) ((((HUGS))) back!

How have you been? Dah few weeks tak catch up ngan you. Busy tahap DS Rosmah Mansor now, babe. Hehehe...

Hmmm...Hafeez better make up his mind. Takut nanti, after a while dia nak jadi Zookeeper plak... or Circus Ring Master! :)

--------------------------

Dear Uncle Lee,

Thank you! And please accept my apologies for this very late response. So, so busy the last couple of months.

Happy New Year, to you, too - Happy 2011 AND Happy Rabbit Year! :) May BOTH new years bring more love, joy and prosperity to you and family.

Take care, Uncle Lee :)

-------------------------

Shila,

Hehehe... Nothing to learn lorrr. I'm sure you're doing fine yourself! I ni - nama pun manusia - bukannya sabar all the time. Ada time-timenya bibir muncung 4 batu jugak!

I guess as long as we tolerate as best as we could and at the same time we remember that we are after all humans - with emotions and feelings, and know that we are ALLOWED to let it out every now and then to stay sane, we should be alright, insya Allah :)

Good luck to us!

Take care, Shila :)