Friday, August 21, 2009

Being married to Doktor Ayah...

Somebody made a comment on my FB a couple of days ago as to how patient I have been. As a wife.

Oh, boy... She couldn't be more wrong than that. Hehehe! I'm afraid I have to disappoint her, because I AM SO NOT A PATIENT WIFE, OKAY?

Well, maybe now it's a bit better. But before, when we first got married, "patience" was not in my vocabulary. But, after a while I got used to being a doctor's wife and the whole jim-bangs that come with it. And I realized, one of the things that had made it easier to accept life as a doctor's wife actually was seeing OUR KIDS accepting THEIR lives as children with a doctor as their father in the last few years. Yup, that was how long it took me to FINALLY stop whining. But, of course, sometimes ada jugak whine here and there now. I'm no saint, okay? I'm a normal human being.

I can safely say here that the causes of about 99% of our arguments or "Cold Wars", when we had any, that is, had been due to Ayah's work. I say "Cold Wars" here because when I'm angry or merajuk, I turn VERY quiet!) That means, I had been the one who would trigger the "Cold War" button most of the times. So, I guess that would definitely mean that I WAS NOT A PATIENT WIFE when it came to his work as a doctor.

It's bad enough for a doctor who works with Kementerian Kesihatan. Try being a doctor at a teaching hospital, under Kementerian Pendidikan. Ayah was not just busy with the normal tasks of a doctor of attending to his patients at the clinic and the wards, doing invasive procedures, etc., but, he also had to teach medical students (giving lectures AND carrying out clinical teachings), get involved in research, present papers, publish papers, go to conferences all over the world, go for postings at some sub-urb hospitals every now and then, and of course he also had to deal with admin work, as well. And he also had to layan his whiny wife, at the same time.

Some of the things that used to rile me up once upon time, but, we, as a family had experienced and have learnt to accept, were the following. This was always the case when Ayah was with UM*C dulu. It's not that bad now, but, certain times of the month, monchong jugak lah I...

Try to be in my shoes, and imagine how YOU would feel in the following situations -

(1) When we had made plans to go somewhere, be it khenduri, shopping, dinner, outing, etc., you name it, and at the last minute we had to postpone, or worse - cancel the whole thing when Ayah was called to the hospital to attend to emergency cases.

(2) When we were already out, and Ayah was called to the hospital. We either had to be sent home first, or wait at wherever he left us, and we had to wait for Ayah to finish his work at the hospital before he came back to fetch us.

(3) Sometimes, he would bring ALL of us to the hospital while he reviewed his patients. We would either wait in the car, or in his office or at the lounge, or at any of the eating joints at the hospital. Sometimes sekejap ajer. Sometimes berjam-jam lamanya...

(4) The endless phonecalls he got from, and he made to the hospital when we were having our family outing. Tension betul...Couldn't they just leave him alone and let him have his weekend?!

(5) He said he would be back by 9:00p.m and he reached home at 11:00p.m (or worse, and for most of the times, even later than that).

(6) Ayah NEVER came back before 9:00p.m. If he came home earlier than that, it was a bonus for us, and good for him. Even until now. And they say him doing private would allow him to have more time with the family... Duh... But, Insya Allah, soon I hope :)

(7) Many times, we would wait for him to have a family dinner, and I would cook some special dish only to be disappointed, and I would ask the kids to go ahead and eat without him because Ayah was caught up at the hospital. I would still wait for him, but, of course bila perut dah berkeroncong, sorry dear...I also had to eat first!

(8) In the middle of the night, the hospital would call, and he would ask his staff to fax whatever test results (ECG readings bagai) to him, and then he would have to leave and attend to his patients at the hospital, only to come back to catch up on his sleep for 15-30 minutes, only to have to wake up and go to work again.

(9) Whenever any of our kids fell sick, Ayah would be so nonchalant about it (when I would be worried sick macam nak gila), and the only thing he would say would be, "Just give them some panadol, and see how he/she is tomorrow..." I guess I can't blame him. He has seen worse cases at the hospital. But, aaaaaarrggghhh!!!

(10) Sometimes, we couldn't really plan for the weekend because Ayah was on-call and he couldn't really promise that it wouldn't be busy at the hospital, could he? Syukur alhamdulilah, the kids understood this, and they didn't complain if we couldn't do the things that they wanted to do for the weekend. Bless them.

(11) And, of course - being late for events or functions...countless times, I tell you, because Ayah had to attend to his patients first.

(12) And I can't remember when was the last time he DIDN'T go to the hospital to see his patients during weekends. Saturday AND Sunday. But, one thing about Ayah - he knows how I treasure time with the family masa weekend, so, normally he would make a point to go to the hospital early in the morning, when the kids and I belum bangun lagi, and he would be back by 10 or 11 a.m when we are all ready for whatever impromptu plans we make.

(13) And when he was involved as the principal investigator in drug trials/research, he would be on the phone continuously with the reps from the drug companies to update them on every single development of the research in real time, even in the wee hours of the morning when he had to do emergency procedures which he had to report there and then. Memang sakit jiwer I...MAJOR sakit jiwer, I tell you...

And I would be lying if I said that I never had doubts on whether he was really working during those long hours. Jahatnya I, kan?! But, as a wife, of course we would be worried about all that, kan? Hati perempuan...when we feel we're being neglected, we automatically will think that our husbands have some distractions elsewhere. Normal lah kan? Tu yang kekadang tu "Cold War" tu...but, after a while I stopped melayan all those doubts. Tidak bagus untuk kesihatan mental :) Hehehe!

And it goes without saying lah kan, mulut I dulu memang selalu monchong 4 batu when all these happened. But, syukur alhamdulillah, the monchong is now reduced to 1 batu ajer... Still working on how to not monchong at all...Getting there, getting there...insya Allah :)

When the kids were smaller, I found it hard to understand the nature of his work because I felt so overwhelmed with everything - work, house chores, kids and he was rarely at home. Selalu rasa lonely and frustrated coz' tak leh nak mencurah perasaan when I needed somebody to talk to. I never could understand why it was always the patients first, and the family second.

But, now I do, especially when the kids are older and independent and they themselves have accepted their life as it is. It's much easier, especially when I have them around to layan perasaan I. Hehehe!

So there - bukti-bukti bahawa I WAS NOT A PATIENT DOCTOR'S WIFE, and still NOT 100% patient yet now :)

But, insya Allah I will try my best to improve and be more patient from now on. I'm working on it. And, my do'a that Allah SWT will tingkatkan tahap kesabaran I to be a better wife, insya Allah. Amin.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

My dua sen on "When there's a third party in the equation"...

I was so flabbergasted when I read about the nikah between the two celebrities who all this while had maintained that their relationship was just a platonic one. Platonic my *&%$!

My heart goes out to his ex-wife. And his kids.

Fine, people may come to me and say we should not be judgmental against any of the parties because we don't really know what went on during their marriage, and that we don't really know who was at fault, and maybe, the marriage was already on the rocks when the third party came into the picture.

Fine. I don't really know these two celebrities personally, and I don't know his ex-wife. And I for sure didn't, and still don't know what went on in their marriage.

And fine. Ini soal jodoh.

So, I'm not going to throw accusations or be judgmental against these two celebrities. But, what I'm going to write is just how I feel about situations when there's a third party in a relationship.

And this is meant not just for the hubbies out there, but also the wifeys, okay? And also peringatan untuk diri I sendiri, and also for Ayah, insya Allah.

All marriages would have its ups and downs. We can't deny that. More often than not, a marriage would start being on the rocks WHEN there's a third party. But, if there's no third party in the picture, both husband and wife would, more often than not, try their utmost best to deal with the situation and resolve the crisis. This is especially so when there are kids involved. They would be more focused on addressing whatever issues which may have caused the rift between them because there's no third party to distract them from the effort. Nothing to distract the wife, nor the husband. So, both would, insya Allah, try their best to save the marriage. But, when there's a third party in the equation, the third party would more often than not, take that focus away. And the third party would always seem to be offering a better deal than your own spouse. More exciting. A novelty. Konon.

And the third party would always seem to be a good excuse for the husband or the wife to throw the towel in and call it quits, because he or she would be thinking, "Heck...If this marriage were to end, it's okay because I already have someone who's willing to start a new life with me and be my wife or husband. The divorce won't be that painful. And life would just continue as it is, albeit I'll be going through it with a different person". And because of that the sanctity of the marriage institution would just dissipate into thin air.

You selfish git. Yes, the divorce won't be painful for you, but what about your spouse who had been through thick and thin with you, and what about your kids?! *^%#$!

And I feel all of these could be avoided if both husband and wife are loyal and sincere and are open to each other. This is ESPECIALLY important when they know or they feel that there are girls or guys out there who are trying to hit on them. Jangan gatal nak layan or nak try to gauge how laku you are still in the market. This, I feel is the main reason why husbands and wives start to go astray. Sebab macam excited giler when somebody else (besides the wife or hubby) finds him/her attractive or desirable.

I believe that if you know or if you feel a girl or a guy is trying to make a move on you, you should tell it straight to his or her face that you're married. Tak payah selindung-selindung. You don't owe him/her anything. But, you do owe your spouse your loyalty.

BUT, MORE IMPORTANTLY, I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD SHARE THIS WITH YOUR SPOUSE. You should tell your spouse about the particular girl or guy, and you should always update your spouse on whatever attempts the guy or the girl is making to get you. Don't wait. And jangan nak syok sendiri and rasa thrilled macam beruk when somebody shows interests in you. Your love to your spouse mesti teguh. Dan yang lebih penting, Imaan kena teguh. You should share all these things with your spouse. MESTI. WAJIB.

Once your spouse is in the know about your pursuer, this will ensure that you stay anchored to the marriage. And trust me, your spouse who before that may take you for granted, will also start paying more attention to you because they then realize that they have a prized possession in you. They have a competition. And they don't want to lose, do they?

In sum -

(1) Jangan layan lebih-lebih mereka-mereka yang menggedik dan menggatal nak tackle you.

(2) Make it clear to them and SHOW them that you're VERY married. Flaunt your spouse in front of them.

(3) Make sure you tell your spouse about the third party who's trying to get you.

(4) UPDATE your spouse regularly on the pursuer's pursuits on you.

(5) Better still, introduce your spouse to the pursuer.

(6) And if your spouse is the one who's being pursued, make a point to get your spouse to bring you to see his/her pursuer. Sit down with him/her, and tell him/her straight to his/her face not to waste his/her time on your spouse.

I think this is VERY important because the pursuer normally would think that the spouse of his/her desired catch does not know about the whole thing and that's why they all makin daring to try whatever it may take to get that person. But, if he/she knows the spouse tahu about what he or she is trying to do, this may menyedarkan diri dia that it's a futile effort to carry on. Lu pikir la sendiri...

(7) DON'T be the third party.

(8) DON'T encourage the third party.

BUT, of course all of this will only work if BOTH husband and wife are loyal, sincere and open with each other from the start. It's important that you tell your spouse straight away when a third party is trying to tackle you. VERY IMPORTANT.


You'll never know where this "casual friendship" may end up, kan? Tak kira bila and siapa, if a member of the opposite sex nak kawan dengan kita, even if they are sincere, you have to let your spouse know. Berdosa kalau tak bagitau. Kena mintak izin.

Again, all the above is also as peringatan for myself and Ayah, too. I pray and hope that all these dijauhkan. And I pray and hope that both Ayah and I will continue to be open with each other, insya Allah. Amin.

And last but, not least, I'm a strong believer of the notion, "What goes around, comes around".

If today kita menggedik and menggatal nak tackle laki or bini orang, one fine day, ada orang yang akan tackle laki and bini kita...Baru kita rasa...

If today kita menyakitkan and melukakan hati isteri atau suami kita by abandoning him or her to be with a new person, one fine day that new love will also do the same to us.

If today kita merampas hak orang, one fine day, hak kita juga akan dirampas.

If we hold on to that, insya Allah, we will not hurt others, and we will not be hurt by others. Amin.

Again, ini adalah untuk renungan bersama for all the husbands AND wives out there, ya...

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Hutang tag boleh dibayar...

Dear Naz, Dilla and Amy,

No, no, no... I have not forgotten :)

I know I owe you guys a tag. It has been long overdue - in fact since before my Bali Trip in June. So, today is hari membayar hutang...Better late than never, they say. So, this is my late payment. Hopefully you guys won't charge any interests. Hehehe! :)

But, of course, before I start, please do accept my sincere apologies for being so tardy in responding to the tags. I have no valid reasons, nor am I going to come up with excuses. So, let's just call this, a statement - Wa manyak sibuk maaaa... :) But, janji tetap janji...and I did promise that I would get down to doing it. And finally, today is the time to get down to doing it.

The tag actually comes with an Award - the Uber Amazing Blog Award. Thank you so much for thinking of me as one of the recipients, dearies. Terharu I...

The award comes with a set of rules:

First, I would have to state 5 interesting facts about the person who gave me this award:

So, I'll start with Naz :)

Those who follow her blog would agree with me if I say that -

1. Naz is one very cool mom to her gorgeous and lovely brood of three :)

2. And I think Fact #1 has a lot to do with her having a lovely Mom. I just love the way she writes about her Mom...and her writings also tell us that she's one super daughter, too :)

3. She writes from her heart, and what she writes never fail to bring laughter or smiles or tears, and sometimes all three of the above in one sitting to her readers.

4. She's VERY eloquent, and very witty, too :)

5. Even though we've never met, I know that she's a very warm person.

Dillazag's turn now :)

1. I knew Dilla through her blog, and we've met a couple of times (I think? :)) at our Srikandi functions. Yes - a fellow STFian, but, she's much, much, much younger than me. I think I already had Hanna when she just sat for her SPM kot? ;) (Aduh...terasa tua saya! Hehehe!)

2. She's one super mom! And this is especially evident when her poor darlings fall sick. She's like on the Super Bunny Energizer batteries 24/7 :) And Dilla, I read about Khaleeq. I hope it's nothing serious, and my do'a that he'll be up and about, being his normal healthy self soon, insya Allah. Amin.

3. Dilla's one stylo-lady. I love looking at her photos when she dresses up for functions, etc. Ada kelesssss ;)

4. And she's one workaholic, and a go-getter, too! (and please take this in a positive way, okay? ;)

5. I can see from her writings and comments that she's a very bubbly person :)

Amy pulak :) -

1. I also knew Amy from her blog on which she writes about her daily happenings and her loved ones. She comes across as a bubbly person, and at the same time, very soft-hearted.

2. She's a loving wife to Zul, a.k.a as her "B", and I have to tabik spring to both of them as the nature of Zul's work means that some nights he has to be away from home, and sometimes they barely get to see each other. But, I think that is one of the reasons why they are such a loving couple :) She's very manja with her "B", and I think that is so sweet :)

3. And Amy also has an amazing relationship with her parents. I smiled when I read about how her Mama and Abah were there, helping her with her new house and all. And I felt for her when she felt so sad to finally move out of her parents' to live in her new home. To Amy, it's okay, dear... They're just a tinkle away :)

4. I see Amy as a very baik-hati girl, and even though we've never met, I feel that she's someone who'll do anything for her friends.

5. And I think Amy ni suka ketawa. And I like that in a person :) And another thing, somehow I rasa Amy ni has a very good singing voice. Betul tak, Amy?

So, that was the first rule.

The second rule - each blogger must mention 10 facts about themselves or their hobbies before choosing the next recipients:

1. I've always been mistaken for a Kelantanese. I guess because my name starts with "Wan". However, the fact is - my arwah grandma from my Abah's side was an Anak Mami Tanjung, while my arwah grandfather asal Taiping (Larut/Bukit Gantang to be exact) and hailed from Acheh. I never got to meet them as both passed away when my Abah was just 12. While on my Mom's side, my arwah grandfather was a Mendailing, while my arwah grandma was from the Arab lineage. And just my luck, my siblings all have noses from the Tanjung and Arab lineages, while yours truly got the Mendailing and Acheh nose...Hehehe!

2. I had my first uban at the age of 11. And it wasn't just 1 or 2 strands, okay? They came in hundreds! And now, my boy Hilman is having his first hundreds of uban at the age of 9.

3. I had my first pimple at the age of 19, and I thought my world would end that day. Hehehe! And I bought my first facial regime set right after the first zit showed, and I've been loyal to that brand until now :)

4. I love buying shoes. And I love buying handbags to go with the shoes :)

5. I'm not into jewelleries. I mean, I don't really go out to choose and buy jewelleries for myself. The only jewelleries I have are my wedding hantaran, and the three cincins (merisik, bertunang and kahwin). I was given a bracelet by my MIL for my 31st birthday, and Ayah gave me a pendant for Hari Raya 5 years ago. Few times Ayah had wanted to get jewelleries for me, but, everytime I would say, "Thank you, but, it's okay. No." (Sungguh beruntung suamiku ini... Mana nak dapat bini yang akan tolak bling-bling, kan?! Hahaha!)

6. I never cooked until I was 18 (not including my cooking lessons in SRT that is). I was never allowed to go into the kitchen every time I went back home for the school holidays. Reason being, I have two older sisters and the kitchen was just not big enough for the three of us (four if we were to include our Mom). Hehehe... However, thrown at the deep end when I did my A-Levels in Cardiff, and sharing a house with my 2 seniors, we had to take turns to cook dinner. So, that meant we had to cook every 3 days. Pandai pun sebenarnya... Hehehe!

7. I rarely wear Baju Kurung to work. The only time I do would be when there's a function at the Faculty or at the Uni level. My normal choice would be pants/long-skirts with matching tops and tudung (and of course - shoes and handbags ;)) The only times I wear Baju Kurung would be during Hari Raya, and of course during khenduri khendara. (So, Naz...I'm not a Wanita Melayu Terakhir material, okay? ;))

8. Being in an all-girls boarding school back in 1981-85, whenever there were dance and drama competitions, I would always be dancing/acting the parts meant for boys/guys. (So, again Naz - WMT I'm not...Hahaha!)

9. My favourite food would be everything Masakan Kampung. Unfortunately, I don't get to cook them at home as Ayah and the kids are so not into it! So, I'll make sure that my lunch at work would be a feast of just that - Masakan Kampung. Amongst my favourites include Sembilang Balado, Kemahang Masak Pindang, Gulai Nangka, Chili Padi Rebung, Patin Masak Tempoyak, Masak Lemak Chili Padi Pucuk Ubi, Sambal Tempoyak, Ulam Tempoyak, Kerabu Taugeh+Kerang. Need I say more?!

10. And Wanita Melayu Terakhir I'm not again, Naz, because I'm quite a rocker at heart. I just so love Bon Jovi and Def Leppard, and I'm now into Green Day, My Chemical Romance and All American Rejects. And Black Eyed Peas. Shoot me.

So there... 10 facts about me. Done :)

For the third rule, I was supposed to choose 10 recipients and describe them. But, memandangkan this Award and tag has been around for quite some time, and almost everybody has deservedly received it from other fellow bloggers, I guess this Award stops here lah ya? So sorry...

For the fourth rule - I have to inform those whom I have given the award to, but in this case - tak ada. So, I'm going to inform Naz, Dilla and Amy that I've done the tag coz' I'm sure they have probably forgotten about it! This I will do after this.

And finally, for the fifth rule - I'm supposed to paste the Award to my sidebar. Hmmmmm...Nanti when I have figured it out how to do it, you'll get to see lah the award kat tepi tu, okay? ;) If the Award is not there, itu maknanya I still tengah terkial-kial nak figure out how to do it lah tu...

Cheers, you all.

Have a good week ahead! :)

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Jalan TAR Escapade...

Today was our "Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman Day". One of the TWO days in a year that we go to that area. We normally would avoid going there UNLESS it is absolutely necessary. The absolutely necessary days would be, first - the day we have to SEND the kain to buat Baju Melayu for Ayah and Hilman to Om*r Ali in Wisma Yakin, and second - the day we have to COLLECT the Baju Melayu :)

The girls decided not to follow us this time, so it was only Ayah, Hilman and myself. Normally, we would just park the car at Taman Jaya and take the LRT to Masjid Jamek. But, with the H1N1 situation getting worse, we decided to avoid public transport, and took my Kembara instead. My cute car "is easier to park", Ayah said. You all know lah how parking and traffic in that area can be - sheer madness, kan? Anyway, we decided to park at SOGO today. Itu pun illegal after going round and round for ages looking for a parking spot.

Hilman and I wore our surgical masks throughout the day, and it was good to see that there were quite a number of shoppers doing the same, too. If only everybody would invest in surgical masks and start wearing them in public places. Who knows, this could be our little contribution in actually helping contain H1N1, kan? There were a few ladies who were selling surgical masks in front of SOGO, but, I didn't really notice how much they were selling them for. I just hope they have not hiked the price too much sampai put off people from buying and using them.

Anyway, back to the main plot (Hehehehe!) - if Ayah had his ways, he wouldn't want to buat his Baju Melayu for Raya at all. But, of course, I would always use Hilman as an excuse. My Little Man needs to have his Baju Melayu specially-tailored for him because he would not fit in the ready-made ones. The problem would always be his waist :) So, alang-alang buat Hilman's baju, might as well make Ayah's baju, too, right? Furthermore, this Big Ma'am insists that we have a theme for every Raya. The theme for this year is turquoise blue, and the last time I checked Ayah's wardrobe, nope, no turquoise Baju Melayu in there. So, no escape for Ayah this year ;)

Anyway, the turquoise theme is just for first day Raya. For the rest of the bajus, they are all charcha marba as Hanna and Hasya both have their own preferences, and their tastes are totally different from each other. I no longer can opt for kerja senang and make baju boria for them this year. So, shopping for the girls can sometimes make "my blood go upstairs". But, syukur alhamdulillah, the kain for us girls had been sent to the tailor last Sunday (finally!). Two each for Hanna and Hasya, and just one for me. Nasib baik jugak Kh*ti*ah still accepted tempahan last week.

We also managed to get a sampin for Hilman which would match both his Baju Melayu nicely today. He can no longer wear the ready made sampin for kids now. We also had to get him a new Songkok as the one we bought for him last year no longer fits him. He HAS definitely grown since last Raya :) He also insisted on getting 2 different sets of butang Baju Melayu according to the colours of his Baju Raya. Mengalahkan Normal Norell, you... ;) And alang-alang we were in Jalan TAR today, we decided to also go to Gulati's, and we ended up buying a kain each lagi for us girls (macam lah totally unexpected, kan?! Hahaha!)

We decided to have lunch at Coliseum. It was amazing to see the place. It was as if time stood still for them all these years. Same old waiters, same old captain, same old airconds, same unpainted walls, same tables and chairs. Ayah had his wajib Sizzling T-bone Steak, Hilman had his Sizzling Rib-eye Steak, while I had my usual Sizzling Lamb Chop. We also tapau-ed some Fried Chicken Wings for the girls. All so heavenly... Yummeh!

After lunch we slowly walked back to SOGO - kononnya nak terus get the car and balik lah kan? But, mana lah boleh kan when the SALES signs were everywhere, makcik oiii!!! Up to 70% discounts merata-rata. And we ended up buying a few Sa*il*e Ro* shirts for Ayah. Memang murah giler... Yang tak seronoknya, Ayah discovered that Size L2 is too big for him now, and his size is now L1! I think, for the past couple of years, Ayah has gone down 3 sizes! Ahaakkksss! I feel so tercabar and tergugat, okay?! Mana achiiiii!!! How come I'm still wearing the same size I've been wearing for the past 5 years?!! I definitely have to do something about my weight...Mesti! Mesti!

We left SOGO just before 5:00p.m, and reached home about 5:30p.m. I showed Hanna and Hasya the kain we bought for them, and both of them teramatlah sukanya their Mommy's choices for them. Ten STARS for Mommy! Yeay!!

I hope to send the kain to Kh*ti*ah tomorrow. Kena do'a banyak-banyak kiri-kanan-atas-bawah that she will still terima the kain. Amin. Insya Allah :)