Saturday, May 26, 2012

44 - when you feel you're still young, but...

I meant to post something on my 44th birthday which fell on 14th May, 2012 that day, but, somehow I didn't get the chance to do so.

44. Somehow, I feel that this is the age where you can safely say that you are neither young nor old. I don't know. It just feels that way.

One thing for sure, the last one year running to my 44th birthday, I certainly could feel that I was becoming older.

Riddled with a few health issues, I realized that all this while, the mind was saying, "Ok", but, the body was saying, "Hold on!" And because of that, I had been on MC for nearly 6 months (in the last 10 months!) and have become a regular at Dr. Soong's (my Orto surgeon) clinic at TMC.

In a nutshell -

An MRI scan done in July last year showed a tear on my right knee meniscus, after I injured myself while playing badminton. Sangka terror, kan? Didn't do proper stretching, kan? Anyway, for that I was given 2-months MC, and was on crutches for 8 weeks.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I then managed to slip in the shower in November (did a semi-split in the shower I did!) and had to go for another MRI which showed a tear on the ligament on my right hip, and was given a 3-month MC pulak. The MRI also showed that I also had a mild slipped disc between my C5-C6. I was off work since 26 December 2011 until 31 March 2012, and was advised to minimize my movement during those 3 months. Now, tell me, how laaarr to minimize your movement?!

I reported back for duty early April, but, was given a Certificate for Light Duties for 6 weeks, whereby I was told not to carry, push or pull heavy loads, and not to go up and down the stairs. Again, how laaaarrr?!

And because of the "How laaaarrr?!" I started having the EXACT same symptoms I had on my right hip on my left hip pulak beginning the month of May, and I had to go for a third MRI last week, and lo and behold, Dr Soong found that I had another tear on my left hip ligament lah pulak.

Olympics gymnast pun tak suffer injuries macam ni, kan? LOL!! :)

I REALLY don't know what actually happened which may have caused this latest injury as I had been extra cautious in the last 6 months.

The only explanation is that I may have had the injury at the same time when I slipped in the shower in November, but, as I didn't have any pain there then, no MRI was done on that side. And somehow, when I reported for duty in April, the injury might have exacerbated.

And Dr. Soong has given me another 2 weeks of MC, and I am to see him again end of next week.

He has ruled out Avascular necrosis (AVN), syukur alhamdulillah. But, he will be running some tests next week to rule out any autoimmune disease. And I pray hard that it's not that, insya Allah.

And what I'm scared to tell him next week is that, in the last few days, I've started having quite severe referred pain down my spine to the back of my right knee. An indication that my mild slipped disc may have been aggravated in the last 3 months, too...

I pray to Allah SWT semoga dipermudahkan segala urusan, and semoga disembuhkan segala kesakitan dan penyakit, and to give me strength to go through this small dugaan in life.

I see my injuries and pain as being very mild compared to others who suffer bigger health challenges than me, and I panjatkan kesyukuran to HIM. Alhamdulillah.

And I make do'a for better health from now on, insya Allah...

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Chacha Marba...

It has been more than two months since I last posted an entry. And today, when I opened my Blogspot, I was greeted with this new format, etc., and I'm still grappling to familiarize myself with the new features, etc. I hope my draft will not suddenly disappear before it's saved nanti.

Hmmmm...I'm not too sure of what to write actually. This posting was actually prompted by a student of mine who asked me yesterday why I had not been updating my blog. The truth is, there are so many things to share, as there have been so many happenings in the last few months which have kept me pretty busy. But, those same things were the ones which had distracted me from my blog.

I guess one of the major things which I could blog about would be how age has caught up with me and how I was given a couple of long sick leaves in the past 8 months.

The first MC was given to me due to my right knee meniscus tear which required me to go on crutches for 8 weeks, and I was ordered to rest for two months over July till September 2011.

The second MC given, on the other hand was due to my right hip ligament tear whereby I was given more than 3 months MC, i.e. from Christmas until the end of March. I've reported for duty, but has been certified to be fit only for light duties for six weeks, i.e. until my next follow-up with my Orthopaedic Surgeon which is scheduled for this Saturday. I'm hoping Dr Soong will give me the all-clear this Saturday, but, frankly speaking, I can feel that both my injuries (including my knee meniscus tear which I had in August last year) have yet to heal completely as I can still feel the pain when I walk or sit or change my sitting positions at certain angles.

And what is stressing me more now is that I am now having the SAME symptoms which I had on my right hip, but on my LEFT hip now, and I just can't explain what could be the cause of the pain. As for my knee injury, I knew that it was due to me not stretching and warming up properly during one of our family badminton sessions then. Sangka terror...Hehehe :) And as for my right hip injury, it was due to me doing a semi-split when I slipped in the bathroom in November last year. However, due to my busy schedule, etc., I only went to see Dr Soong at the end of December, and the MRI scan he ordered showed the ligament tear. I guess if I had seen Dr Soong earlier, and if he had given me leave to rest properly earlier, the healing process would have taken a shorter time? But, benda dah jadi, kan? No point to dwell on it, kan?

But, yang menjadi issuenya sekarang is that my left hip is also acting up with the EXACT same symptoms I had with my right hip, and I can't recall having twisted it, or fallen, or slipped, or yang sewaktu dengannya at all!

I asked Ayah, if there is a medical condition for it whereby one is prone to have injuries to one's joints, ligaments, meniscus, tendons, etc.? And he said none that he knew of. And he asked me to ask Dr. Soong about it this Saturday.

The truth is, I dah naik segan with Dr. Soong coz' tak habis-habis dengan all kinds of injuries ni. What is the chance of one having three different injuries to three different parts of one's body over the span of 8 months?! Macam boleh masuk Guinness Books of Records, kan?!

But, If I don't tell Dr. Soong about my latest symptoms ni, and without proper medical advice, it might get worse pulak nanti, kan? So, tanpa segan silu and dengan muka tebal nanti I will have to tell him jugak. I just hope it's not as bad as the earlier two injuries I had, insya Allah.

So, that's the first thing to blog about. The second thing is - suffice to say that due to the nature of the injuries, I have not been doing any proper exercises. And the fact that I was given about 5 and a half months of MC over the period of 8 months also meant that I was cooped at home (for most of the time). And what does one tend to do when one is cooped at home? YUP! I became a regular visitor to the refrigerator! Hahaha! So, no prize for guessing how much I've ballooned up in the last 8 months! Rasa sungguh macam Mommy Walrus now. LOL!:))

I guess I really have to start doing some light exercises from now on, and cut down on my meals...Huwaaaaa!!! How la?! I love my Nasi, and my Masak Lemak Chilli Api, and Assam Pedas, segala, y'all... :(

Anyway, that's that. What else is there, eh?

Oh, despite my condition ni, sempat jugak we went for a family holiday in London and Liverpool (and Bicester Designer Outlet, of course! Haha...) in November last year (which was in between my knee and my ligament injuries).

And I just came back from a short getaway in Medan with Ayah about a week ago.

And despite masih belum heal properly, I still tak serik-serik and masih semangat in trying to organize our year-end family vacation for 2012. Boleh? Hahaha! It has to be at the end of December, as Hanna's sitting for her SPM this year. And, I will only be free to lari sekejap for a vacation in the last week of December, i.e. during UM's Study Week (before the Second Semester Exam starts in the first week of January 2013).

Hanna wants to go to Europe (which has been vetoed by both Ayah and I coz' it'll be too cold then).

Hasya votes for Italy (which is in Europe - so, it's no-no), OR Korea coz' she's so into K-Pop. (Actuallynya her Mommy pun opts for Korea coz' her Mommy is so into K-Dramas now! Oh ya...That's another thing I've managed to get hooked on selama I dok MC kat rumah tu. Hehehe!) But, I don't think Ayah is keen on Korea.

Hilman will just go with whatever destination we finally decide. So, if any of you have any suggestions, do share, please. Thank you :)

Oh ya...Ayah and I celebrated our 28the Anniversary of the day we first knew each other on 26th April, 2012 that day. Fancy that, eh? :) Seems like it was just yesterday when I first received his letter back in 1986. Time really flies...

Okay, I guess that's all for now. I really can't say when my next posting will be. But, I hope to start blogging regularly again (mengikut kemampuan I), insya Allah...(Errr...This sounds so familiar. Didn't I promise the same thing before this?! LOL!!!)

Anyway, take care, guys! See you when I see you ;)

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Kak Long Hanna...

I had lectures yesterday 11:00am until 2:00pm, after which I accompanied Hanna to survey a few hotels around PJ for the Sri Aman Environmental Youth Leadership Summmit (SAEYLS) which her school is hosting next month.

Hanna is in-charge of logistics for the event, and her task is to find a venue for the Summit and accommodation for the participants - all 120 of them, from Sri Aman itself, a few SBT's, Laos, Thailand, Indonesia, Egypt, India and a few more other countries.

Being her Mom, I did nag and told her that the committee should have finalized all the logistics at least 2 months ago, and that it might be too late to do a bulk-booking now. I nagged, nagged, nagged, but, I still accompanied her (and tak putus do'a that she'll be able to get the venue for the Summit).

We went to Cr***al Crown, Ar**da, Si***ahsa*a, and Sh*h's Vi**age Hotels, and syukur alhamdulillah, apart from Si***ahsa*a, all the other hotels still have available function and hotel rooms to accommodate the participants.

What made me post this entry is how I saw Hanna interacted and dealt with the personnels of the hotels yesterday and how impressed I was with what I saw. I made sure I only intervened in the discussions when I felt that she had not covered some of the areas or the necessary inquiries, and the rest of the job was done by her.

Hanna is 16 and will only be 17 in November. For a girl of 16, I feel that how she conducted herself yesterday did not reflect her age at all. She was confident of what she needed to do to execute her tasks. She knew what were the information that she needed to convey to the hotels, and she could handle the queries and questions posed by the hotel personnels to her. And very well at that, too. But, I think, more importantly, was she was very pleasant throughout all the meetings. And I think her pleasantness also helped her to exude her confidence more.

I don't remember myself as having such confidence at that age. And I don't remember being tasked with such responsibilities at that age, either - organizing an international summit with a bunch of friends from school (with the help of their teachers, of course). But, what I could see was most of the planning and organizing are done by the students.

It was just not the way she handled herself during the meeting that impressed me. I was also impressed with the way she liaised with her other committee members and updated them on what she had managed to do and not do at the end of the day. And I think they are much more organized than some adult committees I've worked with/been in before.

Besides being in-charge of logistics for this Summit, Hanna is also very much involved in a lot of other stuffs at school. She's the President of Interact Club of Sri Aman (ICSA) (and has been pretty busy organizing Seminars, and Events for ICSA and also events jointly organized by the PJ School Interact Clubs as a group project. She's also in the Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya (PRS) Committee. Hanna is also her Class Monitor - a post she has been holding since she was in Form 1 (I think? Or was from Form 2?).

She's also quite active in sports, which requires her to attend practices (handball and taekwondo, etc), and of course - with this year being her SPM year, she's also attending all sorts of tuitions day in day out.

She has been attending meetings after meetings for the past couple of months, and she's fast becoming like her Ayah - only spending time at home to sleep!

She seems to be coping well with everything, and from what I see, she manages her time well, too (albeit sometimes she would fall asleep while doing her homework at night, and would suddenly wake up in the wee hours of the morning to finish off her homework (I hope so!).

Sometimes, I feel divided.

On one hand, I was hoping that she was not too busy with her co-curriculae activities and would concentrate more on her studies, as SPM is less than 9 months away!

But, on the other hand, I know that chances of her getting a scholarship after her SPM is higher if she excels BOTH academically and in her co-currriculae activities. It is so competitive to get scholarships now. There are so many brilliant students out there, and what would make Hanna stand out from the rest would be her CVs on her involvement in all these activities.

As her Mom, I can only pray for the best for her - both for her studies, and in carrying out her responsibilities to the clubs and to her school. This is even more so as she is the Kak Long to her adik-adik, and both Hasya and Hilman really look up to her.

I hope she realizes how special she is. And how lucky her school, her committees and her friends are to have her.

And I hope she realizes too, that both Ayah and I, and her adik-adik are very proud of her, and we know that WE are lucky to have her as our Kak Long :)

We realized that come next year, insya Allah, she'll be pursuing her studies after SPM, and will most probably leave the nest.

I know that at this point in time she is still undecided as to what she wants to be later in life. But, one thing I know, from what I have seen all these years - watching her grow and watching her bloom, watching her build her character, whatever it is that she decides to be and do, she will excel in it, insya Alllah. Amin...

We love you Hanna Suhaila binti Haizal. Always remember that...


Monday, February 27, 2012

The shorter it is...

* Note : What's written below tidak ada kena mengena samada dengan yang masih hidup atau yang sudah mati, hokey? Harap maklum! Sekian :)

I was moved to write this after a few observations of late, which I think are quite normal (apparently), which I personally think should not be (normal, that is).

I would like to throw an innocent question -

What do you think, or how would you feel if your spouse gets SMSes or e-mails from his/her friends/colleagues/staff/bosses (of the opposite sex, mind you) for no apparent reasons?

The messages may seem to be harmless, and could be as short as just saying, "Hi", "Hey", etc, or even bizarre if they're just one single Emoticon, e.g. :), or ;), or :p and the likes. You got my drift?

How would you feel if you were to come across these short "messages" on your spouse's phone or e-mail?

Would you think that there's nothing to it? Or would you be suspicious?

I, personally, will not be comfortable with the whole thing. AND I'll be suspicious.

To me, the shorter the messages, the more personal and the more intimate they are, and NO Tom, Dick or Harry should send them to me, and NO Mary, Jane or Jill should send them to my husband, ESPECIALLY without his or my knowledge, respectively.

I wouldn't send single word stand-on-its-own messages to my married male friends/staff/bosses out of the blue. Would you? The likes of "Hi...", "Salam", "Hey..."

I guess, if I or my husband were to be open about it and we show and share the messages we get, it's a different matter somewhat, because it will mean that the messages or e-mails are casual e-mails and mean nothing to us.

I find it disturbing that there are people out there who do send such messages to other people's husbands or wives. Even more disturbing if the senders themselves are already married.

I really don't know what their motives are for doing this. But, I guess it goes back to my previous posting here.

Do they send such messages to all their friends/colleagues/staff/bosses? Or just the selected ones? If it is the latter, well, the more bizarre it is, then. Don't you think?

I don't know, maybe the messages ARE harmless, but, I still think that they are VERY inappropriate.

If this means that I'm old-fashioned, then, be it - I AM old-fashioned then.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Chimin, so far...

It has been more than one and a half months since Hasya left for KYS.

And within that period, she had come home twice - once over the CNY break (because it was made compulsory for every student to go home that weekend), and another time during the Maulidurrasul long weekend.

Well, the Maulidurrasul weekend was supposed to be a long weekend as the students were allowed to leave on Friday afternoon and come back on Monday before 6:00pm. However, for Hasya it became a short weekend, as she was required to be back in college by Sunday evening as she had to train for her house cross-country event. But, it's okay. At least she could come home, however short her stay was.

Apart from those two weekends, we have been visiting her every Sunday, safe for one weekend after the CNY break. Ayah said we should not visit her straight after the break to make sure that she would miss us. Haha... Fat chance of that happening!

The first week she was there, I would call her every night, and gradually it became once or twice a week. And as far as Hasya calling us is concerned, I think all in all she had only called us maybe 6-7 times in the last one and a half months.

Syukur alhamdulillah, she's enjoying life there. Everything about the college is "awesome" to her :) But, a part of me feels like I would have wanted her to miss home more. To miss ME more! It may be a tad selfish of me to think or feel that way, I guess, but, isn't it normal for mothers to feel that way?

I should bersyukur that she's coping well and is not feeling homesick and all, and I am bersyukur for that. I guess it was expected of Hasya - she has always been the most independent amongst our children, and the hardest nut to crack. The hardest one to cry for whatever reasons. Mind you, she didn't even cry (not even once!), when she had all her vaccinations when she was a baby/toddler! That was how tough Hasya was (and is!)

But, one thing that compensates for this feeling of being "unmissed" or "unwanted" by Hasya is that every time we visited her thus far, she had consistently requested for her favorite home-cooked food, and so far, I've cooked her Ayam Masak Halia, Szechuan Chicken and Chicken Casserole. So, at least I know that she does miss my cooking :)

And amongst her usual weekend "orders" for us to bring from KL include Milo, Lipton Green Tea 9, and Kinder Buenos :) She doesn't want any other chocolates, tidbits or snacks. That is expected of a choleric child who has a very set mind on what she wants and what she doesn't want!

Earlier in the term, the college had their cross-country/long distance season. Now, the college is having the "sprinting" season, and comes March, they'll start their "swimming" season.

Hasya had managed to secure two points for her Hussein House in the cross-country event, and she has been selected to represent Hussein for the upcoming sprinting events, and is training hard for that now. I make do'a for her to do well, insya Alllah. I also hope she'll do well for the swimming season. It has been quite some time since she last had a proper swimming session (since before Ramadhan 2011 to be exact!) She did say she was feeling rusty when she went for a swimming session at the college about a month ago. Whatever it is, I just want her to do her level best and just enjoy all the activities there :) No pressure.

Study-wise, we can't really tell how she's faring as she has not gone through any assessment exercises yet. But, she seems to be coping with all the subjects, insya Allah.

She's also continuing with her piano lessons there under her Music tutor. She's also in the History, Debate and Taekwondo Clubs.

She doesn't seem to have much free time for herself as all the students are always kept busy with all kinds of activities, and I guess that is one of the reasons why she doesn't have time to miss home, to miss me (Hey, bear with me, please - I'm trying to console myself here and to justify why she rarely calls me! Hehehe...)

Anyway, we're visiting her again this Sunday, insya Allah, and this time we plan to bring her out for an outing. Apparently, she is allowed to go for an overnight stay, but, she chooses to just go for an outing with us. Again, I'm not going to dwell on that. If it is an outing that she wants, then it is an outing that she gets. (But, I have to say Mak sentap jugak masa memula tu when she said she didn't want to come back for the weekend! Hehehe...)

All in all, I'm very happy with Hasya's progress there. And I'm very happy that she's happy there.

I hope she'll do well and excel in whatever areas she chooses to pursue and focus on in college, insya Allah.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

It's just a celebration of "US"

I saw a status on one of my FB friends’ Wall today – “Saya tidak sambut Hari Kekasih, sebab saya dah kawin. Saya sambut Hari Suami Isteri” . Translated – “I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day (or Lovers Day), because I am already married. I celebrate Husband & Wife Day”.

I can’t really say or I can’t figure out exactly as to how my take is on this very statement.

I have been celebrating Husband & Wife Day every single day since 09-09-94.

And I have to say that both Ayah and I have been celebrating Valentine’s Day ever since we knew each other. And mind you, we knew each other since 1984. And I received my first Valentine’s Day Card from him in February 1985. And I started getting bouquets of roses year in year out every single year on 14th February without fail since 1986. I guess the first couple of celebrations were mainly because we were just going with the flow, as it was never a big deal or fuss surrounding the celebration. We just wanted to appreciate our relationship.

And I can bet that there are many, many, many people out there who used to celebrate Valentine’s Day just because everybody else was celebrating it. And they are now condemning it because there are people condemning it.

But for us,there was never any ulterior niat then. And there's no ulterior niat now. It is just a plain simple celebration of our appreciation of each other. And from the first time we celebrated it, the niat had always been the same.

(And I know I will be getting a lot of serious bashings from some quarters because of this statement of mine…)

We could have chosen another date to celebrate “US”, I guess. Say, on our anniversary – which we do. In fact, Ayah and I celebrate TWO anniversaries – one for the first day of us knowing each other, and the second one being our wedding anniversary. But, it’s still nice to have more than two celebrations of “US” in a year, I guess? And 14th February seemed to be apt. We were not celebrating what was behind the “root” of Valentine’s Day – whatever versions of its roots there may be out there. Because OUR celebration had/has nothing to do with whatever roots of Valentine’s Day there are out there. It just so happened that we chose 14th February to celebrate “US” every year. Maybe purely out of convenience?

We say “I love you” to each other everyday (well, ALMOST everyday – as we age, we sometimes forget! Hahaha!). And if we don’t utter those 3 magical words, we would sometimes SMS each other.

But, no matter how I would love him to, Ayah can’t be buying me roses everyday, can he? Hehehe… So, it IS wonderful to come back from work to find a bouquet of lovely red roses waiting for me on the day we chose to celebrate “US”.

He still uttered “I love you” to me this morning, like he would normally do.

But, as of 7:00pm today, I have yet to receive my roses.

And, I’m still waiting ;)

Nope. We’re not celebrating Valentine’s Day in the sense others may celebrate it.

We are celebrating “US” on the day we chose to celebrate “US”.

And even if no roses are delivered to me this year, we will still celebrate “US” today.

Dinner or supper out – just the two of us, or with the kids, will still be a celebration, which will be made more special today – our “US” Day ☺

Is it really a bad thing to celebrate love? To celebrate "US"?

Just my two cents ☺

Friday, January 13, 2012

Missing Hasya...

Tomorrow will be one week since we sent Hasya to KYS.

The day we went to register her was quite a non-event, somehow, and I felt like it was done quite intentionally by the College, so that, both students and parents (moms especially) would not be too emotional at the end of the day.

We reached KYS at 9:00a.m, and everything was settled by 1:30pm. The registration process was done in such a way that there was no time for Mommy to be overwhelmingly emotional as it was quite regimented. Which was a good thing, I think.

There was the handing over of all the forms which we had to fill in beforehand at home (took me more than 1 freaking hour to fill them in!). There was the fee-paying process - school fees, uniform fees, payments for books and stationeries, etc., and also when the students were shown where their academic lockers were. And of course, followed by the briefing at the hall (which was NOT really a briefing as the Chairman of the Board of Governors took more than an hour to give his "briefing"!) But, I must say that it was a very interesting speech indeed as parents were given glimpses of what plans the College has for the new students for the 5 years they're there, and what roles the parents have to play to support the children.

After all the formalities were over and done with (about 12:30pm), the students were brought to their dormitories, and despite being requested/instructed (AT LEAST thrice!) for parents/families to not enter the dormitories, nobody seemed to care. Moi included. Haha! :) Tak tercapai dek akal if we mothers did not go into the dorm to see it dengan mata sendiri and to susun segala benda mak datuk which our children had brought with them (and in Hasya's case - some, she was FORCED to bring! Hehehe...)

All the moms (and grand moms) busied themselves helping the girls organizing and arranging their stuff in the locker, the bathroom, the laundry room, the luggage/shoe room, etc - making sure everything was put in an orderly manner in its proper place. I had Hanna's help to help me unpack and organize Hasya's stuff, while Ayah and Hilman could only look through from the window.

Hanna had a peek at the stuff the other girls brought with them, and she said that Hasya had the MOST stuff! Well, I live by the principle of, "Biar lebih, jangan kurang", so, THAT was somehow expected, no? And it also goes without saying that even though we were among the firsts to enter the dorm, we were the last to leave. As expected :)

By 1:30pm, the students were rushed to go for lunch and then solat Zohor, and all the parents were asked to leave then. Just like that. No time for proper bye-byes. No time to be emo. No time to nangis. Especially when your daughter seemed to be (more than) fine, and so excited to start life as a boarder there. So, we had no choice but to leave her then.

It just didn't sink in at that point in time that I had actually LEFT Hasya in Melaka to fend for herself (or was I in denial, still?). I actually slept throughout the journey back to KL.

We had to send Ayah to One World Hotel first as he had a talk to give at 3:00pm there. We then had to send Hanna to her Interact meeting, and then only Rizal sent both Hilman and I back home.

And it was when I was alone in the room, that it dawned on me that my little girl was not at home anymore, that she was 200km away, and I would not be able to see her and be with her everyday, and that she would have to fend for herself, and that I wouldn't be there for her if she needed me...

And the tears suddenly gushed out, and I started sobbing, and literally cried myself to sleep. I was only woken up by Ayah who came back from his meeting after Maghrib.

I didn't want him to see how affected I was with the whole Hasya-away-thing, and I somehow managed to be calm.

However, later that night, as I was lying in bed getting ready to sleep, I started crying again - silently at first. My pillows were soaked with my tears. Ayah who was doing his work on the PC at that time probably heard me sniffling, and he came and sat beside me on the bed. THAT was not a good move. The moment I saw his face, I started crying like nobody's business - even he didn't know how to console me.

We decided to call Hasya, and I was trying my best not to sound sad. But, when she asked me if I was okay, my voice cracked and I just couldn't speak and I just said bye to her and passed the phone to Ayah. And I continued crying. Again for the second time that day, I cried myself to sleep.

I really thought I would be okay with the whole thing. But, I guess, I thought wrong. I am just not strong enough.

The second night without Hasya at home, I couldn't sleep until about 4a.m.

The third night, I felt better somewhat - that was AFTER hearing her voice over the phone.

The fourth night, I was okay-ish. That was after I psyched myself up that I should be happy for Hasya because she is VERY happy there. She had wanted to go to KYS so badly, and now that she has been given the rezqi to study there, I should not feel sad, because it should be a cause for celebration, and not commiseration. She finds everything about the college to be "awesome", and she's making new friends and she really is enjoying life there.

It is not going to be easy for me, especially when I have to keep on telling myself that she doesn't really need me anymore, (at least not as much as I want her to), and that I should start letting her go...letting her grow. But, insya Allah, I will be okay.

Today is the seventh day she has been there, and syukur alhamdulillah, I am feeling much, much better.

We're going down to Melaka this Sunday to visit her, insya Allah, and I just can't wait!

For now, I still call her every night, of course. And I will continue to do so. I think as her Mom, no one can take that privilege from me. No? ;)