* Note : What's written below tidak ada kena mengena samada dengan yang masih hidup atau yang sudah mati, hokey? Harap maklum! Sekian :)
I was moved to write this after a few observations of late, which I think are quite normal (apparently), which I personally think should not be (normal, that is).
I would like to throw an innocent question -
What do you think, or how would you feel if your spouse gets SMSes or e-mails from his/her friends/colleagues/staff/bosses (of the opposite sex, mind you) for no apparent reasons?
The messages may seem to be harmless, and could be as short as just saying, "Hi", "Hey", etc, or even bizarre if they're just one single Emoticon, e.g. :), or ;), or :p and the likes. You got my drift?
How would you feel if you were to come across these short "messages" on your spouse's phone or e-mail?
Would you think that there's nothing to it? Or would you be suspicious?
I, personally, will not be comfortable with the whole thing. AND I'll be suspicious.
To me, the shorter the messages, the more personal and the more intimate they are, and NO Tom, Dick or Harry should send them to me, and NO Mary, Jane or Jill should send them to my husband, ESPECIALLY without his or my knowledge, respectively.
I wouldn't send single word stand-on-its-own messages to my married male friends/staff/bosses out of the blue. Would you? The likes of "Hi...", "Salam", "Hey..."
I guess, if I or my husband were to be open about it and we show and share the messages we get, it's a different matter somewhat, because it will mean that the messages or e-mails are casual e-mails and mean nothing to us.
I find it disturbing that there are people out there who do send such messages to other people's husbands or wives. Even more disturbing if the senders themselves are already married.
I really don't know what their motives are for doing this. But, I guess it goes back to my previous posting here.
Do they send such messages to all their friends/colleagues/staff/bosses? Or just the selected ones? If it is the latter, well, the more bizarre it is, then. Don't you think?
I don't know, maybe the messages ARE harmless, but, I still think that they are VERY inappropriate.
If this means that I'm old-fashioned, then, be it - I AM old-fashioned then.
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17 comments:
Shana, I'm old fashioned like you!
Jah
I migh be 18 but my way of thinking is ancient hihi
TAK SUKA. I ingat my mom selalu pesan, we all ni perempuan berkarier, we hv to deal wth somebody;s husband , so please jaga adab and maruah. Dulu whenever she have to speak to her boss, she would call his house and to speak to his wife first, explain dulu that she needed to talk to her hubby pasal apa. She said biar orng kata tak professional but, professionalisme bukan wadah utk kita lepas laku.
Sadly pompuan zaman skrang ramai kureng akhlak . Pada derang biasa jer. They yg chose to make themselves low.
akak..i am as old fashion as you are..sgt tak suka org mesej mesej sesaje...by the way, ade ke orang mesej sesaje..perabih duit....isk....skeptic saya...
akak...i m with u.....ade ke orang sesaje sms hai....unlesss rapat or nak merapatkan dir..hehe...
i pun old fashioned, and if my husband recd that kind of messages, i would grill him....
I pun tak suka especially kalau pasal kerja. Call ajer la or leave a message.
Banyak nanti prasangka buruk.
Nah, I think your reaction is normal. Any decent woman will not do that. As Mufti Menk said last week in his talk, "why create a reason for your spouse to be suspicious?"
I also avoid going out for lunch/coffee/tea one-on-one with male colleagues no matter how close they are to me. There must be a third person accompanying coz I do not want tongues wagging and create a reason for my spouse to be suspicious. But that's old-fashioned me.
Shana..been there...i just confront my hubby...(imagine, he just got back from office around 1am..and suddenly there's a beep from his phone..being nosy me..i 'tertengok'..and it says..."saya balik dulu ya, En M*s*.."..aeeiii!!...)..balik je lah kan!!! SO bila, I tanya my EN m*s*, dia kata itu budak trainee...so what do you think? mcm2 sekarang ni Shana...I am listening, trying to understand..but some acts...really.. undigestible...(is there such a word?)
Jah,
Yes! Glad we're on the same wavelength :)
Eja,
That is good advice and good practice by your Mom! You're right - now dah tak are humility or rasa segan amongst some pompuan... Sad, really...
Intanterpilih,
Memang selalunya the case is to merapatkan diri, or to be (too!) friendly. Ada jugak kes nak membodek or mengipas or meng-aircond orang. tapi, kalau nak mengipas pun, tak yah lah sampai hantar messages of those kinds, kan? (Lainlah kalau dia sebenarnya nak "MENGEBAS"!)
Zai,
Hi5! I pun - if it happens to me, memang I akan grill my hubby sampai masak! Hehehe...
Dear Anonymous @8:35am,
Yes - why create a reason for your spouse to be suspicious, kan?
Married men/women should always CONSCIOUSLY ask themselves if what they do, or about to do, would hurt the spouses or not. If they think it will (however SLIGHT), then they should refrain from doing it. If they still proceed, memang saja nak cari pasal, I think.
Eta!
Eeeee!!! I baca pun geram! Mengada-ngadanya! Kalau I jadi you, I will jawab message tu myself, and tell her off!
Depa ni ingat selalunya penerima messages tu suka dapat messages macam tu dari depa and the receiver will not share or show the wives or the husbands. Kalau dibiarkan, lama-lama isi messages tu pun makin daring jadinya...
Kmar,
Betul! To me, kalau it's about work, then you can just call but, biar appropriate time. If it can wait until tomorrow, then wait until tomorrow. Kalau send messages or call tengah malam pun, selalunya not much can be done pun, right? And kalau you need to send SMS, then it should be professionally worded. Not, the way I wrote in the posting tu.
Kalau penerima message tu sendiri nak sembunyi-sembunyikan such messages dari their spouses, memang menunujukkan he/she doesn't mind getting them. In fact, memang he/she is thrilled by it. Kalau macam tu, memang both the sender and the receiver should be pelangkung-ed. Seriously.
Salam..
Every woman will hv the same feelings of resentment if in that situation. I personally feel that i'll will confront my husband. Whatever the reason is hold on to the number of the sender jus in case of anything..
Kak Leeza,
I think all women will feel the same way, except maybe those who actually do send those kind of messages to other women's husbands!, kot? :)
Hehehe... I realized that I may have created the impression (not only here but amongst my FB friends which are linked to this posting) that what I've written here has to do with me and my hubby.
Ooops! So sorry, to have misled you all. The posting is actually based on a hypothetical situation. (And I PRAY hard while writing this that it will stay that way, insya Allah :))
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