Thursday, August 29, 2013

My life has been one perfect plan...

Allah is great.

Alhamdulillah, I feel that my life has been mapped and structured perfectly all this while for reasons HE alone knows, and I would often realize the Hikmah only as time passed by.

My life had been tersusun and teratur to prepare me for everything that came my way throughout the years, syukur Alhamdulillah.

Yes, there were/are things which I did/have not accomplish(ed) which I know are just not meant to be because Allah has bigger and more meaningful things planned for me. Syukur Alhamdulillah.

The reason why I did not accept the offer to go to SMS Pulau Pinang in Bukit Mertajam all those years ago, but instead went to STF where I grew up with friends who are until now my confidantes, my best friends and have become my family. And how if I were not in STF, I might not have gotten to know the boy through a twist of fate and who is now I'm happily married to.

The reason why I quit being a lawyer in 1995 and followed Ayah to the UK, and came back at the end of 1997 to join UM and becoming a lecturer. No offence intended, but, I would not have traded the flexibility offered by my job as a lecturer for a high-paying, stressful career as a lawyer. Yes, the pay is not as lucrative as a lawyer's pay, but, I have enough. Syukur Alhamdulillah.

The reason why I had a miscarriage in 1997 in the midst of completing my Masters degree in Newcastle-upon-Tyne. Hanna was 2 years old then. The Hikmah came in the form of Hasya 2 years after that. Maybe, just maybe - if I had not had the miscarriage, we might not have tried for another baby then... We might not have had Hasya...

The reason why I had health issues in 2003 just as I was starting my study leave to do my PhD. My study leave had meant that my teaching obligations were not disrupted while I had to go through 3 surgeries over 5 months back then. The endless visits to the hospital for treatment, follow-ups, daily dressings, etc. Yes, my study plans were disrupted, but there were less headaches for me in terms of my work commitments.

It was in 2003, too, that Mommy had a stroke, and my study leave had meant that I had the time and opportunity to take care of Mommy when we took her home to stay with us.

It was in 2007 when Abah was diagnosed with Nasopharyngeal Cancer which was a recurrence of an earlier episode of NPC which he had in 1995/96. I was still on my study leave then, which again meant that there was no rigid work commitments, and as such, together with my sisters, I was able to take care of Abah and take turns to be with and bring him for his Radiotherapy and Brachytherapy treatments at GHKL then without the headaches of applying for leave, etc. whenever Abah needed to go for his treatments.

And the reason for His ketentuan that this year both Ayah and I are left alone at home when Hilman got accepted to KYS to join his Kak Ngah, and Hanna got accepted to KYUEM to do her A Levels. I was overwhelmed with sadness when one by one the kids left us for boarding school and college. I guess I was not ready to go through the empty nest syndrome too early in life.

Little did I know that the reason why Allah has bestowed the rezqi to my anak-anak to pursue their studies in KYS and KYUEM, leaving both Ayah and I at home is to give me the rezqi and opportunity to take care of Mommy again. So that I have someone at home to take care of when the kids are away at school. So that I will be able to spend more time with Mommy.

The thing is, Mommy has been diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma Cancer Stage 4 a week before Raya.

Syukur Alhamdulillah, to date she has completed 2 cycles of chemotherapy and will have to go through another 4 cycles. Hopefully all will be completed in November, in sya Allah.

Syukur Alhamdulillah, she has responded very well to the treatment so far and has not had any adverse reactions to the chemo drugs. No headaches, no nausea, no dizziness. Just that she gets tired easily nowadays and spends most of the time sleeping, if she is not reciting the Quran or performing her Solats.

Syukur Alhamdulillah, she has not lost her appetite and has been eating well - which is very important for her healing process, in sya Allah.

Syukur Alhamdulillah, the nature of my job and the flexible hours which come with it has meant that I have been able to dash between UM and PPUM, which are just next door to each other, while Mommy goes for her chemotherapy thus far.

Syukur Alhamdulillah, Mommy is very high-spirited

Syukur Alhamdulillah, Mommy redha and has been really calm about the whole thing and she goes through everyday like she normally would everyday.

In Ayah's own words, "Mommy is one very strong lady..."

And Syukur Alhamdulillah, for my husband who has been there for me, embracing me physically and emotionally throughout it all. 

Allah is great.

And I know HE knows what is best for us.

And I know that there is Hikmah in everything that happens.

And I know HE is with us. Always.


jana said...

Allahuakbar kak Shana,saya selalu silent readers je,bertahun jugalah, all entry kak shana di blog saya baca,bila saya terbaca tentang berita tentang mummy kak shana terkedu saya,semoga kak shana tabah menghadapi dugaan,dan diberi kesihatan yang baik untuk menjaga mummy kak shana,sesungguhnya menjaga ibu yang sakit itu adalah satu kuniaan dan rahmat juga dari Allah agar kita dapat mencurahkan bakti kita kepada mereka,ayat itu yang saya dengar dari ustaz Abu Hassan Din didalam satu ceramah agama,kebetulan juga masa itu saya menjaga bapa saya yang sakit,ayat itu juga lah dapat membuatkan hati saya tabah,katanya bukan semua orang terpilih untuk menjaga ibubapa yang sakit,yang terpilih itu adalah sesungguhnya salah satu kurniaan Allah untuk memberikan kepada kita pahala,wallahualam bapa saya kak shana dah pulang kerahmatullah dengan saya yang menghadapnya menghembus nafas terakhirnya.Saya doakan yang terbaik untuk kak shana sekeluarga

ummisara said...

Kak Shana,

Sorry to hear about your mom. I ingat ur posting pasal nak bawak ur mom tinggal sementara dengan u n ur abah dgn ur sister.

i doakan yang terbaik utk semua. u take care and hang tough sis - i know u r.

Kmar said...

Salam Shana,

You are one TOUGH lady and you always will,,,,,,, insyallah.

So sorry about your mom. Life can be cruel and kind at the same time. Try to look on the positive side. Insyallah ...everything will turnout fine dan dipermudahkan segalanya.

Hugs from Barcelona..

Anonymous said...

Alhamdulillah syukur.....Allahuakbar!!! -rad-

Uncle Lee said...

Hi Wanshana, hey, I keep seeing either you or one of your members keep dropping by my pondok.
Why the silent treatment?
There's no guarddog at my pondok, ha ha.

Anyway, dropped by to wish you and family selamat hari Merdeka.

wanshana said...

Assalamualaikum, Jana.

Thank you, in sya Allah... Amin. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. Akak pasti arwah tenang di sana sebab ada anak yang baik dan solehah yang dulunya menjaga arwah dan sekarang mendoakan dia, in sya Allah.

Kak Shana and my sisters sama-sama jaga both my parents now. It is very challenging indeed, tapi kami sentiasa medoakan semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan, in sya Allah.

Thank you again, and take care!

wanshana said...

Thank you, Mynn.

Amin... In sya Allah.

My Mom is so calm and redha with everything and because of that, we all adik beradik pun rasa calm juga, alhamdulillah...

wanshana said...

Salam, Kmar.

Thank you. Insya Allah... Amin.

Yes, we always try to look at the positive side. Always...always.

I'm not sure about me, but, my Mom is the one who is one tough lady! God bless her...

wanshana said...

Thank you, Rad :)

wanshana said...

Hi, Uncle Lee!

Thank you - Selamat hari Merdeka to you, too :)

Hahaha... Yes, I've been dropping by every now and then but tak sempat to drop a line or two. Always rushing through the blogosphere to get updates from blogger friends and see how everybody is :)

Take care, Uncle Lee! ;)