7:35p.m, 1st December 2009...

It was last Tuesday evening. 1st December 2009.

Hanna was attending her school's Kem Tahan Lasak Programme in UM, while Hasya and Hilman were at their Wan's house in PJ, as they were supposed to have their Mengaji class there that evening.

I was supposed to join Ayah and his staff for Dinner at The Cu*ve, so, after work I drove back to SD as I didn't have any proper attire for the dinner kept at my MIL's. The plan was for me to leave the house after Maghrib and drive to Tr*pi*cana Medical Centre, leave my car there and Ayah and I would be going to The Cu*ve in his car.

Just before Maghrib, I received a call from Ustadz saying that he was not well, hence the Mengaji class had to be cancelled. I got ready right after solat. As I got into the car a few minutes later, fearing that I might forget later, I decided to call my MIL to inform her that the kids' Kelas Mengaji had been cancelled, and for her to tell the kids. I must have tried calling her for about 5 minutes before she finally answered - she was praying before that.

After making the call, I looked at the clock. It was 7:18p.m. I started driving to Kota Damannara using the Sungei Buloh back route/jalan lama. It was raining quite heavily, and I was driving slowly - with my wipers on continuous medium swiping mode.

By 7:35p.m, I was on Persiaran Surian with McD and Pi*za Hut on my left side, and Ayah's hospital was just about 1.5km away. I was on a 4-lane road heading towards SPK Sunway Damansara/Mutiara Damansara, etc., and was approaching the T-junction going to Uptown Kota Damansara/Selangor Science Park. The two right-most lanes are dedicated lanes for those going right to Uptown Kota Damansara and they were on red-light then, while the 3rd and 4th lanes were on green-light, and I was on the 3rd lane.

This is my tempat lalu-lalang as my parents are staying in KD, and Ayah's hospital is also there, and I am very familiar and comfortable with the area and roads and all. But, what happened after that had left me badly shaken even until now. I don't think I'll be able to drive through that stretch of road again without thinking of what happened there that night.

Right at the traffic light, as I was passing through the green-light (which apparently is on green 24/7), out of nowhere, a motorcyclist came from the Uptown direction from my right, crossing straight in front of me heading towards the flats on my left. Mind you, it's a T-junction, and there was no road opening to my left.

He gave me a shock of my life, and there was no way I could have avoided hitting him. I barely managed to press on the brakes and I knocked him straight on his left side. He literally crashed on my windscreen and fell to the right side of my car, onto the road.

I was just so numbed, but I managed to manouvre my car slowly to the left and park it there. I got out of the car, fearing the worst. It was a middle-aged man, probably in his early 50's and he was lying on the road, groaning. And bleeding really badly. His left foot was seriously injured - it must have been crushed between my kangaroo bar and his bike on impact.

The first thing I did was to call Ayah. Believe it or not, I actually forgot how to use my phone right at that moment. I was trembling non-stop, in the middle of the road, in the pouring rain. I forgot that I had Ayah's number on my speed dial, and I was trying to remember how to change my display to the "keypad" mode! Even when I had the keypad on, I actually forgot Ayah's number! It was only after nearly a minute that I remembered to call Ayah through speed dialing!

Right after calling Ayah, I tried calling 999 for the ambulance. Again, I just could not change my phone function to "keypad" mode, and I was struggling for about a minute before I got through, and gave the operator my details and the location of the accident.

By then, there was already a crowd gathering around the old man, and some of them started shouting at me, asking me to bring him to the hospital in my car and not wait for the ambulance. One of them even shouted out, "You bawak dia dalam you punya kereta la! You ada kereta. Mau tunggu ambulan jugak ka? You mau tunggu dia mati ka??!"

Imagine how I was feeling at that moment.

I was not in a state to drive as I was still terribly shaken. I was trembling like a leaf. By the look of his injuries, I don't think anybody in the right mind would want to move the poor guy. And I don't think my Kembara would be able to accomodate him, not with the injuries he had sustained.

I had never been so scared in my life.

A few men then took me to the side and asked me to stay calm and stay with them, while we waited for the ambulance to come. The other crowd was getting impatient and kept asking me if I had called the ambulance. I had in fact called the ambulance twice, and a few of the passers-by had also called for it a few times.

I felt such a relief when I saw Ayah arriving in his car with one of his nurses and and also a staff from TMC. Ayah asked me if I was okay before attending to the old man. He was conscious throughout the ordeal, but I dare not go near him, and I was advised by some of the men around me not to do so.

What I couldn't believe was the fact that the 999 people actually called me THREE times after that to ask me again where exactly the scene of the accident was. THREE times. That was excluding the time when I first made the call to them and explained to them clearly where we were.

The police came nearly half an hour after that, about 8:10p.m, and the ambulance came around 8:15p.m. They must have been stuck in the traffic jam caused by the rain. All throughout the waiting time, I was praying for the old man to be alright. It felt like the longest half an hour of my life...

What was perplexing was the fact that I could actually look at the injuries, and the blood without feeling faint at all throughout the half an hour he was lying on the road. I am one who normally can't even stand the sight of a single drop of blood, and could faint just by looking at blood. Heck, I can't even visit anyone sick without feeling faint. That's just me. But, that night, syukur alhamdulillah, I was okay. It was until the man was taken into the ambulance to be brought to the hospital, that I started to feel dizzy.

After the ambulance left, Ayah asked his staff to drive his car back to the hospital, while Ayah drove my car to the Balai Polis Traffic in Kota Damansara. We made the Police Report and later was brought back to the scene in a police car where I gave the police my account of what happened.

Later I was told that those residing at the flats normally would take a short-cut from the Industrial Park straight to the flat, as they didn't want to make a U-turn further down the road. There was even a makeshift bridge crossing the drain going to the residential area at that spot.

By the time we were done at the Station, it was already about 9:45p.m. Ayah drove us to his hospital in my car. He had to review a few patients, and I waited for him in his office. And while waiting, I decided to call the hospital which the motorcylist had been sent to. Unfortunately, they could not reveal any information via the phone, and had asked me to go and see him myself if I wanted to know his condition.

I told the nurse who answered my call that I was the one who had hit him, and I just wanted to know if he was alright. If he was alive. And she said, "Yes, he's alive". I then asked her if his injuries were serious, and she said, "We can't tell you that. But, biasa lah accident macam ni..." So, I don't really know how he is exactly up until now.

I wanted to go and visit him the next day, but, I was advised not to, as the family might still be riding high on emotions. Even though it was entirely his fault, we can never know how they might react knowing that I was the one who knocked him down. But everyday, I pray for him to be well.

Anyway, that night, we left my car at Ayah's hospital and we had dinner at one of the gerais in SD before going back home. We decided that I would be in no state to drive for a few days, and my car would be sent to the workshop anyway. So, I would be immobile, and the best thing was to put up at my MIL's place. Ayah was to fly to Bangkok on Friday, too, and it was best for everybody to be in PJ.

So, we packed all our clothes and necessities to last us for at least a week stay in PJ, and by the time we reached my MIL's it was already 12:30a.m.

It just so happened that my BIL and his family are away in Perth until 15th December and his driver (Za*di) was at my MIL's disposal until then. And as she herself already has her own driver, Za*di has been heaven-sent as he has been the one driving me and the kids around in the last few days.

My car is already out of the workshop, but, it's only 98% back to normal. There are a few dents here and there which they could not repair, and my kangaroo bar is not really its old self anymore. I have yet to drive my car again since the accident. Masih terbayang-bayang how I hit him and how he crashed on my windscreen and all. And most of all, masih terbayang-bayang his injuries...

Even though I know that it was not my fault, I still feel so guilty for causing him such injuries...

I kept on thinking of all the "what-ifs", and "if it wasn't for, etc.,"... which could have made the accident avoidable.

If only I hadn't made the phonecalls to my MIL before leaving the house, and reaching that spot 5 minutes earlier, the accident might have not happened.

If only I had used the LDP way, instead of the Sungei Buloh way, the accident might not have happened.

If only I had brought my attire for the dinner to my MIL's house earlier on, and not having to go back to SD first, the accident might not have happened.

And it goes on and on and on...

But, I also believe that semuanya dah tersurat , and that whatever differences that might have happened that night, I would still be there right at THAT moment and be involved in that accident.

Setiap yang terjadi ada hikmahnya. Even though I may not see it now, insya Allah I will in the future.

But, whatever that has happened, I bersyukur to Allah SWT - HE has kept me safe in HIS Hands that night...Syukur alhamdulillah.

And I pray for the man's full recovery, insya Allah.