Lost - one precious hour...

Six days - that was how long (or rather, how short) the time that I had with Ayah when he came over for a visit, here in Newcastle upon Tyne. Ayah arrived in the morning of Tuesday 20 March 2007, and he just flew back yesterday afternoon, and even though I felt that I needed to post an entry there and then - right after he boarded the 1625hr KLM flight from Newcastle International, I just could not bring myself to write anything when I realized that I was too distraught to even find the right words to describe my feelings…

I was contemplating on whether to post an entry, or rather, to post an entry WITHOUT damaging my laptop with all the tears which would be free-flowing if I were to write it. I finally decided to just hit on the keys when it felt as if my heart would burst out with all the tears withheld from the airport if I didn’t start writing. So, you can just imagine how frustrated (which was an understatement!) I felt when my laptop went dead on me when I turned it on! No matter how I did it, I could not get it restarted to run the diagnostic utility program and I felt so, so, helpless. Before I knew it, I started crying and not long after that the silent cry turned into uncontrollable sobs! “Get a grip on yourself, girl…”, I kept telling myself, but the tears were running pretty much at their own will…

“I need to write in my blog, or else I would become hysterical!”, I was saying to myself, and without much thought, I decided to take a half hour metro ride crossing River Tyne all the way to South Shields at 6.30 p.m. to seek help from a computer whiz friend to diagnose the problem with my Toshiba Portege and put it right. But, somehow, when he took a look at the laptop, he could not find anything wrong with it! His wife – who is a dear, dear friend told me, “It’s probably a sign that you need to come over and stay with us tonight.” And I think I have to agree with her – I don’t think I could stay at the flat last night… I don’t think I could stop the tears from flowing if I were to stay alone in my room…

So, to M and H, thank you so much for having me over last night…It really helped to be with you guys when I was feeling really down…I hope I’ll be okay before you guys fly back home to Malaysia this Thursday…If not, I’m sure I’ll be total nerve wreck for the next three weeks! But, be rest assured that I’m feeling much better today. Thank you again guys!

But, I have to say that I was feeling really sorry for myself yesterday when I thought how unfair it was that we had to set the clock one hour forward when the clock struck 0000hrs on Sunday 25 March 2007. I used to not think too much about this British Summer and Winter Time thingy, and I never felt that it really mattered if I were to lose or gain one hour every time we had to set the time forward or backward. But this time around I just didn’t see any need for it, especially when it caused me to lose ONE PRECIOUS hour to spend with Ayah…

But, rather than dwelling on the ONE HOUR lost, I decided to look at the bright said –

Firstly, at least Ayah and I were together for SIX AMAZING DAYS …so, what is one hour lost?

Secondly, at least we managed to have some time to relax and laze around and REALLY talk about the kids, work, us, family, etc. in those SIX DAYS - which was pretty strange (but in a nice way) since we would normally only have such conversations in between our 'transits' between home, Mak's place and our work place, or in Ayah's car during weekends while rushing to arrive early to get a parking space at One Utama!

Thirdly, at least Ayah had the chance to take the SIX-DAY break he badly needed from work when he was here – and listening to the sweet music (a.k.a his snoring!) LIVE IN REAL TIME was such a treat! LOL!

Fourthly, at least I had the chance to cook all his favourite dishes while he was here. And it felt really good to just sit down and have my meals with Ayah for those SIX DAYS, rather than having them alone in the cold, cold kitchen…

Fifthly, at least we had some FABULOUS TIME shopping for stuff for Ayah to bring home for Hanna, Hasya and Hilman (and you have to agree with me – shopping is so much fun when the Banker is there beside you, ESPECIALLY when the Banker has also been missing you terribly and would do just about anything to indulge you and all your fancies! And if I were to take Ayah’s statement of - “You can take anything you want, dear”, seriously, he would surely be declared a bankrupt by the time he goes back home! LOL!!!

And, sixthly, Ayah will be coming again for a visit in exactly two months time, Insya Allah!

So, I was trying not too think too much about the lost one hour. But, you know what? After looking at all the bright sides listed above, I still feel that it would have been really nice to ALSO just be able to spend that lost ONE hour with Ayah yesterday… Time is so, so, precious especially when we don’t have enough of it...But, of course, I am so thankful to Allah SWT to have been blessed with those wonderful 6 days with Ayah… Syukur Alhamdulillah… But, you still can’t blame me for missing him so, so, terribly right at this moment, can you?

So, to those of you whom I know may have felt ‘cheated’ at some point in your life – ‘cheated’ of time which could have been spent with your loved ones when it had been cut short, for whatever reasons, wherever you are - just be thankful that you had the time to spend with them in the first place…But, at the same time, don’t feel guilty for wishing for more time, even if it was for a mere one hour, or one minute, or even just one second… However long or short the time you had wished for, it was still time very precious when you could have spent it with the love of your life…

Wassalam…